I am sorry, sometimes i just get so paranoid of people keep leaving me but somehow i need to realize that i should not bother of them wanting to leave me but i should bother what to do while they are still here. I should believe in love again, I should trust myself & I should trust him. From this day, I want to let go all those bad feelings I have & people in my life. not to forget, but to start a new life, with someone worth my time. I want to let go. & Im letting go. & this blog too. This shall be my last entry. Ill create a new one, perhaps? Haha nantilah. Thank you to those who I mentioned in this blog before. Tak pernah menyesal tulis what I felt. I'll be happy with my love ones. Fikri, yumni, maisarah, syahidah, haziqah, farah & the boys, thank you. (:
Tuesday, 24 February 2015
It's been a while. I know right?! So basically the reason I am back with my this stuff because there is sooo maany things going on in my mind right now. So I am going to tell you my story. Something bad happened. Something I never thought i'd be feeling it happened. I was feeling so unusual last december & I never thought what i was feeling is something that is going to happen. I just, somehow, something hit me, "2015 is going to be a hard year, sleepless nights & broken thoughts" I thought i was just like for spm since I will be taking spm this year. but.. it turned out to be something else. Something bigger than that. I had to let go another person I love in 2015 & the pain, I just, I'm not good at describing anymore, because no matter how perfect my words are, you will never get it.
I was so depressed. So depressed till I could not do my homework, study, sleep or even eat. I didn't eat much for days. I just kept telling myself that let me be sad about it, just let be grieve about it until I have no feelings left to be felt.So, I decided every time the thought of him came into me & I had to cut myself. I know what you are thinking about, because I've been receiving a lot of comments & criticism. There are some people called me ''attention seeker'' but hahah boom i was like okay.. they don't feel what I feel.. so I shall not take anything what they said to me personally. Really, I didn't. My friends, they are so nice, I couldn't ask better friends. They just noticed my pain in my laugh & sadness in my smile. I couldn't tell you how grateful I am to have friends like them. My classmates, they are so cute! There was one day I just did not feel like talking because I was actually holding a knife (shhh shut up) & I hid it with my school scarf, & they just so cute. My friend just did not stop from giving me hugs all the time & they asked me so many times, "athiraah okay ke?" I was, never better! (lies of course) & I received a lot of whatsapp messages from them. I just wanted to tell you that, no matter how hurt you are right now, there are someone out there, still care about you. Still love you, no matter what, despite this word is so full with mean people, you just have to find it.& if you have found them, never let them go. Never, ever, ever. Because they'll be the reason you'll throw all those knives of yours & smile without even feel anything. So, chin up, okay? It's not over yet. Not every goodbye is the end. Sometimes, its the beginning.
Wednesday, 17 December 2014
It's been a while. It's not that I don't like writing anymore. I do write, I just, I don't express it here like I used to do. I don't want to be so vulnerable because that's gonna hurt me even more. Perhaps I won't delete this blog, (there are so many reasons I should be deleting this blog rm lol) (such as there are so many memories of my past).
To people who know me, even though you just know my name, I am sorry. I really do am sorry. I don't let people in my life easily anymore. I don't know. It's not that I hate them, it's not I don't like talking to you, it's not that I hate the way you are but I just I have lost my hope to people. I will not expecting you to understand me anymore because it is dark inside me. If you can hear my mind, you would leave me. I am not even excited for new year anymore. To me, every year is a tough year. I will lose some people & they will leave me, eventually. I don't expect anyone to stay in my life anymore. So, if one day you wake up, you want to leave me, go ahead. If you want to stay, i'll be more than happy to have you. The older I get, the more I understand about life. Life will never be easy. If you are expecting 2015 is going to be a great year, sigh, my advice; wake up. It will be good, but not always good.
My wish for 2015; I hope I will survive this year.